Jab tum khud ko choose karte ho, tab zindagi tumhe sukoon deti hai.

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“Jab tum khud se pyaar karna seekh jaate ho, tab zindagi kisi aur ke pyaar par depend nahi rehti — wo khud hi khubsurat aur sukoon se bhar jaati hai.”

Main hamesha prem ki talash mein rahi hoon, ya yun kahun ki prem ki kami mein jeeti rahi hoon. Aisa bilkul nahi hai ki mere parivaar ke log mujhe pyaar nahi karte ya main unke liye bojh hoon, lekin mere andar jo ek aurat ka dil hai, wo hamesha ek purush ke sachche prem ke liye tarasta raha hai. Maine kabhi kisi ko galat nazar se nahi dekha aur na hi kisi ko koi ishara diya, lekin meri aankhen hamesha kisi aisi nazar ko dhoondti rahi jo sirf mujh par ruk jaaye, jo mujhe dekhkar apni aankhon mein ek chamak le aaye. Pehle mujhe lagta tha ki aisa kuch nahi hota, pyaar sirf bolkar hi samjha ja sakta hai, lekin zindagi ke kadve anubhavon ne mujhe sikha diya ki sachcha prem kabhi maangne se nahi milta, wo bina kahe hi aankhon mein dikh jaata hai. Hume “I love you” kehne ki zarurat nahi hoti, kisi ke hone ki khushi hi uski aankhon mein prem ka ehsaas kara deti hai, aur maine aisi aankhen dekhi hain jahan kisi ke naam, uski yaadon aur uski baaton mein hi pyaar dikh jaata hai, aur wahi chamak main apne liye bhi dekhna chahti thi.

Mujhe pata hai ki main koi bahut sundar ladki nahi hoon, na hi mere paas aisa kuch khaas hai ki koi mujh par fida ho jaaye. Meri life mein hamesha ek adhura pan raha hai, mujhe kabhi aisa mehsoos nahi hua ki main kisi ko attract kar sakti hoon. Mere past ne bhi mujhe ye hi feel karaya ki main perfect nahi hoon, main kafi nahi hoon, na sundar hoon, na itni samajhdar hoon, aur na hi mujhe achhe kapde pehne ka koi khaas tareeka aata hai. Mujhe hamesha laga ki mera har cheez mein hissa kam hai, mera pyaar bhi shayad kam hai. Phir bhi mere dil mein ek sawal hamesha raha ki kya mujhe kabhi koi aisa milega jo sirf mera ho, jo mere pyaar ko samjhe aur jiski life mein main kisi rajkumari ki tarah important hoon.

Pichhle das saalon se main ek rishte mein imandari se rahi. Maine hamesha apne partner ke hisaab se khud ko dhalne ki koshish ki, apni life ke saare secrets usse share kiye aur humare liye kya sahi hai, ye hamesha uske haath mein chhod diya. Maine ek simple gharwali wali life accept kar li aur uske liye apne shauk tak chhod diye. Mujhe bachpan se parivaar ka bahut pyaar mila tha, mujhe kabhi kisi cheez ke liye maangna nahi pada, sab kuch mujhe apne aap mil jaata tha, isliye main ek comfortable life jee rahi thi. Mujhe laga tha ki jaise mera parivaar mujhe pyaar karta hai, waise hi mera partner bhi mujhe karega. Agar wo kabhi gussa karta tha, to main ye sochkar ignore kar deti thi ki wo mera hi hai, jo bhi karta hai pyaar mein hi karta hoga. Main poori tarah se uski ho gayi thi, maine apna mann, tan, samay, sab kuch usse de diya tha, koi bhi aisi cheez nahi thi jo maine usse chhupayi ho.

Jab tak hum door the, tab tak main apne parivaar ke pyaar aur samajh se khud ko strong rakhti thi, lekin jab hum saath aaye aur ek bandhan mein bandh gaye, tab usne mujhe mere parivaar se door kar diya. Uska swabhav dheere dheere aur bhi bura hota gaya aur mujhe kahin se bhi pyaar nahi mil raha tha. Phir bhi main sabke saamne khush rehne ki koshish karti rahi, kyunki mujhe umeed thi ki waqt ke saath wo mature ho jayega aur mujhe samjhega. Main hamesha uski aankhon mein apne liye pyaar dhoondti rahi, lekin jab mujhe sabse zyada zarurat thi, tab mujhe uska pyaar kabhi nahi mila. Uska pyaar hamesha shaq, gusse, badtameezi aur control ke roop mein hi dikhai diya. Main samajh hi nahi paayi ki uski aankhon mein wo pyaar kyun nahi tha jise main itne saalon se dhoond rahi thi. Maine apni self-respect kyun kho di, maine us jagah pyaar kyun maanga jahan wo tha hi nahi, maine kisi ke aage pyaar aur khushi ki bheekh kyun maangi, jabki sach to ye hai ki pyaar kabhi maangne se nahi milta, jahan hota hai wo khud hi mil jaata hai.

Aaj main us insaan ke liye na pyaar mehsoos karti hoon aur na hi poori tarah nafrat. Mere andar ek ajeeb sa ehsaas hai jisme gussa, dard aur narazgi sab kuch mila hua hai, jo na poori tarah pyaar hai, na hi sahaanubhuti aur na hi nafrat. Maine ab ye decide kar liya hai ki main use apni life mein dobara koi jagah nahi dungi aur na hi apni zindagi ka ek bhi pal uske liye waste karungi. Maine har tarah se pyaar paane ki koshish ki, bhagwan ne jo diya use bhi maine accept kiya, lekin main kabhi khush nahi rahi. Main royi hoon, tadpi hoon, tarasi hoon. Main ek strong woman thi jo dusron ki help karti thi, lekin is rishte ne mujhe andar se tod diya aur ek aisi aurat bana diya jo kabhi banna nahi chahti thi. Maine apne aap ko poori tarah badal diya, phir bhi main uske liye kabhi kafi nahi ho paayi. Use meri zarurat thi, lekin meri kadar nahi thi. Uske hothon par “I love you” tha, lekin uski baaton mein, uski aankhon mein, uske jhagde mein, uske shaq mein aur uske control mein kahin bhi pyaar nahi tha. Main uski zidd thi, ek trophy wife thi, lekin uski asli life partner kabhi nahi ban paayi. Uski nazron mein main hamesha usse neeche hi rahi, jahan main ek din bhi nahi reh sakti thi, lekin main saalon tak wahi ruki rahi sirf us pyaar ke liye jo dheere dheere khatam hota gaya. Aakhir mein main sirf izzat chahti thi, lekin wo bhi wo mujhe nahi de paaya

Khud Se Mohabbat – Ek Nayi Shuruaat

Aaj main uske saath nahi hoon, lekin sabse important baat ye hai ki main ab khud ke saath hoon. Ab mujhe kisi ek pal ke pyaar ke liye mahino tak rona nahi padta, ab main sukoon se so paati hoon. Dheere dheere main khud se pyaar karna seekh rahi hoon, khud ko dusron se pehle rakhna seekh rahi hoon aur sabse zaroori, main ab khud ke liye jeena seekh rahi hoon. Ab meri soch badal rahi hai, main khud ko itna strong banana chahti hoon ki koi aake mujhe kabhi “bichari” na kahe।

Main ek independent woman banna chahti hoon, jo apne faisle khud le, jo kisi par depend na rahe — chahe wo emotional ho ya financial, kisi bhi cheez ke liye nahi। Ab maine samajhna shuru kar diya hai ki har kisi ke naseeb mein pyaar hota hai, lekin wo hume kaise milega, ye hume khud dhundhna padta hai। Kyunki asli sach ye hai ki hamari khushi hamare apne haath mein hoti hai, kisi aur ke nahi।

Kabhi kabhi kisi aur se pyaar ki umeed chhod dena bhi ek tarah ka self-love hota hai। Ye haar nahi hoti, balki ek nayi shuruaat hoti hai — jahan hum khud ko samajhte hain, khud ko accept karte hain aur apni value ko pehchanna shuru karte hain। Yahi se asli sukoon shuru hota hai, aur yahi se ek nayi, strong aur confident zindagi ki shuruaat hoti hai।

Location: India

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